Relations

I have a friend. A dear friend and lately she is in a very delicate situation in her life. She has been abused by her possessive husband. It started with her coming to US. Married to an IT guy with a dreams bundled in her zari sarees. She came here to find a beautiful clean country with apartments as good as the 5-star hotel she visited a few times in her life. A science graduate, both her parents Dr.
A vivacious and beautiful girl who had a great future ahead of her. Dad had thought only America can help her achieve her high goals. Days turned into weeks, weeks in months. Rooms that were a 5-star look alike, were now American prison. With no driving skills and no car life was gloomy and boring. Slowly she tried to see as much as positive light in her life. Soon she tried to get her degree in teaching. School helped her get out a bit and life became slightly better. Life was house work pleasing husband and penniless. Grocery was bought, necessity was provided. Soon pregnancy came along and delivery was a time when mom came over to help her. A Doctor, a ObGyn and her mom was a great idea. But the obsessive and possessive husband didn't like his wife having a good time with her mom. He created every stress full time he could. As soon as the baby came along mom-in-law had to be pushed away. Several techniques were used to make her leave on her own. Mom left her daughter with a new born as hope was moms absence will bring harmony. But this was blood on control freak, his win over his wife and mother-in-law made him bolder in his abusive lifestyle.
Her husband was the sweetest man in public but a monster at home. Life kept going on with suppression and several mental harassment techniques implemented by husband designed by husbands friends. It was time her brother got married and she wasn't allowed to go. For an Indian girl marriage of younger brother is a very important event. She wasn't allowed to go her life changed. She started seeing her husband's evil mind more clearly.
But Indian girls are trained from early on to adjust and try hard enough to make their marriage work. I think girls in India should be trained differently. I have two daughters, i am not going to ask them to keep trying harder at every cost to make marriage work. I am going to keep my doors open for my daughters. I will advise them to make it work but not to the point that they will decide not to let me know when they are suffering. It is all a dejavue. I have gone through a very abusive marriage, where i was blamed for everything. I was considered a bad woman for my confidence and my will to succeed. My strive to over come all hurdles were a considered a taboo.
I see the same in my friends life. She is a beautiful girl with great mind and a kind heart. She is constantly tortured by her husband. Now she has two kids and she is under a clever house arrest. As it is necessary to have a car to move around her husband makes sure that she doesn't have any access to the car. The keys to the car is always with him. She is in her house with two kids with no contact with outer world other than her rare time on Internet and a few calls from people who constant ask her to submit completely to the whims and fancy of her abusive husband. When woman suffers and people around her make it worse, i think everyone who contributes to the sufferings should be penalised, just to deter involvement of others in human suffering. It is going very tough for her. Her confidence is broken and her mind is over taken by years of control and abuse. She is unable to hae strength to walk away form abuse. Sometimes i think she is addicted to her abusive husband. I am sad at her condition. I am helpless as i can' do much to help her. I wish i can do more than what i am doing. After what i have gone through when i see any woman suffer in marriage, it becames my personal pain. Hard to ignore and walk away.
Wow what strange relationships!